Ah, but the old people. Yes, you get the spotlight also. Where shall I begin?
How about I start with LL Cool J? Yes, we'll start with this shiny bald headed jacked up midget that has been lingering around the Hip-Hop world for over two decades now. Jesus, has anyone took the time to realize that his first name is comprised of the same letter twice? (sigh) Sincerely, from me to you LL (and I actually pronounce that as "La-La"): how about you go do the running man around the mouth of a volcano, promptly. Who do you think you are? Please, ENLIGHTEN me. LL Cool J means "La
dies Love Cool James"? Maybe back in the 80's buddy. Today perhaps it should mean "Little Laxatives Calm James". You are an old fart. And stop lifting weights! Didn't you get the memo: niggas use guns in the new millennium. I hope you know that I'm plotting on hunting you like deer, James. When I find you, I first plan to tie you up and repeatedly peg sandwich bags full of marbles at you. Then I'm going to steal thousands of Barbie dolls from little girls all across the nation; I will strip them naked and cut off their hair and then leave these hairless plastic dolls on the ground all around your tied up body. I will then reveal your location to thousands of angry little 8 year old girls. We will see how much these Ladies Love you then, Cool James. I wonder how cool you actually will be when you are found shirtless in a warehouse getting ATL stomped by tall toddlers in Payless heals. Another thing: how did you build up the audacity to make a song where the chorus is "I'm Your Baby" when you are clearly old enough to be a grandfather? Supposedly you were born in 1968 meaning that you are currently 40 years old. This would explain your recently excessive need to shave your face and head entirely. Going for that wet seal look, eh? Nonetheless, you are still too damn old to be attempting to make music (unless you decide to take up jazz flute) that requires you to be overtly sexual or gully. Remind me but don't you have a mortgage? You know what, I would rather listen to DJ Khaled hum over this track rather than listen to your horrible "flow" tarnish this record as well as The Dream's rising career. Do you understand that you said that your wife (and it has to be your wife you're talking about or your wife is as dumb as you) "makes her booty clap on the floor of the kitchen?" Talking about how she "plays Bingo" and "rides Mandingo." I assure you that no one wants to picture this. You know who really doesn't want to picture this: your god damn kids, James. Have you forgotten that you have 4 children? You think THEY want to hear about mommy's bootyclappin' superpowers (sidenote: yes everyone, booyclappin' is indeed a superpower worthy of the Key to the City)? Let's not mention that they go to school with children that sadly listen to your music ONLY to ridicule your kids during lunch hour. Fantastic, James. Your children are scarred for life because you just can't let go of the game. Give it up. You are no longer the object of females' affection. Women don't care about your slow and sensual rap ballads anymore...or you licking your lips for that matter. Reality check: Lil Wayne has a track out called Pussy Monster, and these bitches like it...
Another old one that needs to just give up: Kid Rock. You were born in '71. Guess what? You are no longer a KID and emu is the new ROCK in this millennium. GROW UP PETER PAN. Now don't get me wrong; I do like alternative music. It's a very close second to my appreciation for Hip-Hop. However, I never liked you Kid Rock. Jesus, I hate saying your name. I shall call you by your
birth name Robert Ritchie. I hate you. Let's sit back and take a look at some of your music starting with that horrible song in which you yell out random syllables like you have turrets syndrome. "Bawitdaba da-bang-ga-dang diggy-diggy" WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO TELL ME? I should slap you with a dictionary AND thesaurus (and no, Robert Ritchie, a thesaurus is not a dinosaur). Learn some real words. You're a grown ass man; you have no excuse. If Mush Mouth from Fat Albert can do it so can you. And then there is "Cowboy" which I feel is the real reason that Brokeback Mountain was indeed produced. How this song did not make the soundtrack is beyond me. This song came out in '99. There are no cowboys anymore. I am certain of this. Do yourself a favor Robert Richie, go get LL Cool J so you can hang out with someone your own age. I'm sure Ice Cube has a family barbecue coming up soon. If you're lucky, maybe he'll give you two cameos in the next Barbershop movie.
How about I start with LL Cool J? Yes, we'll start with this shiny bald headed jacked up midget that has been lingering around the Hip-Hop world for over two decades now. Jesus, has anyone took the time to realize that his first name is comprised of the same letter twice? (sigh) Sincerely, from me to you LL (and I actually pronounce that as "La-La"): how about you go do the running man around the mouth of a volcano, promptly. Who do you think you are? Please, ENLIGHTEN me. LL Cool J means "La
dies Love Cool James"? Maybe back in the 80's buddy. Today perhaps it should mean "Little Laxatives Calm James". You are an old fart. And stop lifting weights! Didn't you get the memo: niggas use guns in the new millennium. I hope you know that I'm plotting on hunting you like deer, James. When I find you, I first plan to tie you up and repeatedly peg sandwich bags full of marbles at you. Then I'm going to steal thousands of Barbie dolls from little girls all across the nation; I will strip them naked and cut off their hair and then leave these hairless plastic dolls on the ground all around your tied up body. I will then reveal your location to thousands of angry little 8 year old girls. We will see how much these Ladies Love you then, Cool James. I wonder how cool you actually will be when you are found shirtless in a warehouse getting ATL stomped by tall toddlers in Payless heals. Another thing: how did you build up the audacity to make a song where the chorus is "I'm Your Baby" when you are clearly old enough to be a grandfather? Supposedly you were born in 1968 meaning that you are currently 40 years old. This would explain your recently excessive need to shave your face and head entirely. Going for that wet seal look, eh? Nonetheless, you are still too damn old to be attempting to make music (unless you decide to take up jazz flute) that requires you to be overtly sexual or gully. Remind me but don't you have a mortgage? You know what, I would rather listen to DJ Khaled hum over this track rather than listen to your horrible "flow" tarnish this record as well as The Dream's rising career. Do you understand that you said that your wife (and it has to be your wife you're talking about or your wife is as dumb as you) "makes her booty clap on the floor of the kitchen?" Talking about how she "plays Bingo" and "rides Mandingo." I assure you that no one wants to picture this. You know who really doesn't want to picture this: your god damn kids, James. Have you forgotten that you have 4 children? You think THEY want to hear about mommy's bootyclappin' superpowers (sidenote: yes everyone, booyclappin' is indeed a superpower worthy of the Key to the City)? Let's not mention that they go to school with children that sadly listen to your music ONLY to ridicule your kids during lunch hour. Fantastic, James. Your children are scarred for life because you just can't let go of the game. Give it up. You are no longer the object of females' affection. Women don't care about your slow and sensual rap ballads anymore...or you licking your lips for that matter. Reality check: Lil Wayne has a track out called Pussy Monster, and these bitches like it...Another old one that needs to just give up: Kid Rock. You were born in '71. Guess what? You are no longer a KID and emu is the new ROCK in this millennium. GROW UP PETER PAN. Now don't get me wrong; I do like alternative music. It's a very close second to my appreciation for Hip-Hop. However, I never liked you Kid Rock. Jesus, I hate saying your name. I shall call you by your
birth name Robert Ritchie. I hate you. Let's sit back and take a look at some of your music starting with that horrible song in which you yell out random syllables like you have turrets syndrome. "Bawitdaba da-bang-ga-dang diggy-diggy" WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO TELL ME? I should slap you with a dictionary AND thesaurus (and no, Robert Ritchie, a thesaurus is not a dinosaur). Learn some real words. You're a grown ass man; you have no excuse. If Mush Mouth from Fat Albert can do it so can you. And then there is "Cowboy" which I feel is the real reason that Brokeback Mountain was indeed produced. How this song did not make the soundtrack is beyond me. This song came out in '99. There are no cowboys anymore. I am certain of this. Do yourself a favor Robert Richie, go get LL Cool J so you can hang out with someone your own age. I'm sure Ice Cube has a family barbecue coming up soon. If you're lucky, maybe he'll give you two cameos in the next Barbershop movie. 
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1 comment:
Okay this is both really good and disturbing. I don't know what else to say?
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